He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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