i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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