Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
