Your dad touched me again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
