She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You're my little dorito
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
