He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
