Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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