dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
