If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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