she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
