well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
