He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
