i will never coherently bang her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
