My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
