Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
