Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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