that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
