did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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