I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
