I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
