I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
