I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
