Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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