Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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