he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
