New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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