Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
