yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
