haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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