I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
