u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
