Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
