I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
