my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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