mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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