I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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