it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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