i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
