I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
