TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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