I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
