I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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