Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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