Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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