I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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