i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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