If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
