I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
