I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
