I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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