he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
