The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
