So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Alive.
So much puke
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
