Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
