Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
