Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
