I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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