Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
