OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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