I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
